The Real Me

Many of u tink tat I m a cheerful n happy go lucky gal. But wat I m about to reveal might come as a shock to u. I m NOT who u tink I m. I m able to keep my deepest feelings deep down inside me n appear to u al with a smile. So who m I?

Cassandra Vanessa Yaw is:
-someone who gets hurt easily
-someone with low self esteem
-someone who hurts herself when she dont know how to let her frustration's out
-someone who cries alone when hurt

N who is the one who created this ME? My so-called family. I tot family members r suppose to support u n protect u. But NO! I hate how u ppl like to joke bout my weight. I love u ppl but i hate u al at the same time! WHY WHY WHY!!!! Is it entertaining to poke fun at me? Do u derive joy from it?

I was walking happily to my granny's house. I wanted to share something funny with u al. But how did u al treat me. U al started making fun of me soon after I entered. At first it was 1 den another comes along. I couldnt stand being there any longer. A minute longer n i wil just break down. I quickly took my bag n left. As I walked on the corridors, I went to the ledge. Thinking: Should I just end my tiring life? Somehow I didnt... I was afraid. Scared. A COWARD! i cried as i climbed down to my house but i got to try hard not to cry too. I dont wan to risk my aunt seeing me cry. No one in this family has seen me shed a tear these years after I entered sec 1. I would always control til I m alone. And then I wil cry n start to hurt myself...

As I entered my bathroom, I sat on the toilet bowl. I cried. I started hurting myself. Scratching my arms n legs til it swell. I needed to vent my frustrations on something. Seeing red lines al over my body just makes me happy. I know I wil be fine once I stepped out of the toilet. My family wil nv know because I mask my feelings very well.

I know many people who read this post might think tat i m trying to seek for attention by revealing this side of me. But no... I just wanted to pen my feelings n thoughts down now...

I m feeling much better now after letting it out. But who knows what wil happen the next time round. I dont know.